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All posts for the month December, 2015

Speechless

Published December 23, 2015 by jusdanii

I’m sorry that I was never good enough for you.
Sorry that I couldn’t give you what you needed because I was stupid young.
I remember you saying “You can’t give me what I need.”
I felt like I was never good enough for you.
Was she really the better option because she was of age and I was under age?
I took on the role of a wife when I was just learning who I was.
I feel as though you expected way more than I can give.
And
Now I’m stuck here bearing the pain.
I’m just sorry that I’ve been feeling unwanted , unpretty because the one person I gave my all to forgot to give me their coat in the coldest winter

Searching For My Happiness

Published December 22, 2015 by jusdanii

I think we all look for the Pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I want nothing but happiness

And

It’s not like I can find that.
I dreamt of days where I could just jump of joy.
Tired of being so depressed.
Sick in tired of waking up having to take this pill they say will make me feel at ease.
I want to be normal
But don’t we all?
I’m sick of having to fake a smile when in reality I’m hurting deep inside

But

nobody hears my cries through my nasal voice.
I want someone to talk to I want someone to hear me not a therapist who listens but checks the clock to see if they’ll be getting the next dollar.

I want this I want that but I’ll never achieve it because when people look down on you you start to look down on yourself you build insercuties for yourself.

After

Being told “Go get the help you need because you really it.” I think that put everything in to perspective for me.

Now I’m thinking like:

Maybe I’m what they say I am
Maybe not normal
And I don’t have a purpose.

I want happiness I want love .
I want you to tell me you love me even if it’s not the truth it would flatter me just to hear you speak it.

This Is Getting Old

Published December 22, 2015 by jusdanii

Once I gave you the power you abused it. You hurt me  and I’m the one left with the mental scars.
And sorry if I ever hurt you just know I never intended to.
I saw potential in you.
That’s why I tried to pursue something with you.
But you didn’t give a darn fuck how I felt
Did you?
When everyone downed you I up lefted you.
Praised you as if you were a God.
And now I’m having to deal with the bull crap.
I never really understood that.
How could I  love you and you could just play me for a fool.
Like I feel as though you’re very fraud.
But I don’t blame you because I’m still talking about you.
Giving you the camera and the lights and saying “Here’s the action.”

RATED R

Published December 22, 2015 by jusdanii

We were each others everything once upon time ago .
We went from “I love you” to
“I can’t stand that mother fucker”
don’t you ever wonder how it would of turned out if we even tried a little harder?
I always find myself thinking about you and you would say it wasn’t you who I missed it was the “THOUGHT OF YOU.”
Which I think is totally bullshit because you have no fucking clue how I felt do you?
I’m always chasing and thinking bout a Bitch who’s to coward to realize that I was good to her.
And I don’t mean to call you a Bitch you know I would never disrespect you that way I just think it’s the way you handle things.
But
If you were homeless I sheltered you , I  fed you.
Shit.
.why does it take me writing how i feel for me to come my senses but when I think of you its oh no I loved her she did right by me.
You fucking did right by the bitches you left me for.
Got mad when I found someone new.
 But you forgot to mention to me that you left me for “Someone New.”

 

Letter To My Ex

Published December 21, 2015 by jusdanii

Maybe one more chance please I won’t … ” that was me begging you to stay with me but you didn’t care till it was you who missed me. I honestly hope that you’re okay and that’s just because I’m sympathetic .. I was going through old messages and I hate that It seem like I was the problem you always short talking me talking to me as though I was your child .. you disrespected me so many times. Made me forget my worth and I’m still curious to know what in the fuck did I truly see in you? Oh is it because you were beautiful on the outside? I hope I didn’t fall in love with your inside because you are a PIG and I don’t say that to make you feel bad I’m speaking the god honest truth. I cared so much that you called my love for you ”

Toxic

“? you rejected me on so many levels that it hurts. And I’m tired of crying over someone who’s to blindfold to notice me.. I hate it.. I hate that I love you and you love her. You say you stayed with me when I was ill but blocked me off social media rejected my calls when I got out the hospital I hated the feeling of not being wanted by the only person I loved. The person I gave everything. and I don’t ask for much I don’t I only wanted to be loved. I treated you like my king even though I should of sweep the floor with you as if you were my peasant.

SEX

Published December 18, 2015 by jusdanii

      It’s what’s you desire for but you don’t understand it till the day he tells you to take your clothes off..  you give him your all. He pretends to love you while he caress your body but behind  close doors he tells his friends “She’s Hoe.” After he gets what he wants from you, you stops getting those text that made you smile, “what’s up beautiful.” You start thinking it was You , but in reality it was him he just wanted a good nut and you fell for it. Couple weeks later you find out that , that your having his baby all because yall FORGOT to use protection… you tell him that he’s going to be a dad and instead of being mature about the situation he calls you A Bitch a hoe tells you were just fuck.. now you’re thinking does life even matter? Should I keep going? You put your all in and he made you forget your worth. .