You have to love yourself before you allow yourself to love another being. I was in relationship for a year in six months. I never fully understood what that person meant when they called our relationship toxic. Even when we split I still wondered what that person meant by toxic? I didn’t understand if they were referring to me as a toxic person or were they saying “Hey we can’t be together because we are just not meant to be?” I didn’t and still don’t know what that person meant because I loved them way more than I should have. I should’ve backed off when they cheated but being fourteen all the way to sixteen teaches you things about love and yourself. Like how does someone love another being more than they love themselves? I was young and I was looking for love online because my insecurities were through the roof. It took me nearly eighteen years to finally say “I’m comfortable in my own skin enough to love me.” I was steady worried that I wouldn’t find someone good enough for me. But who is better for you than you? When you meet new people you always have to get to know them. For instance you have to read the back a book to find out what a book is about. Not just a pretty cover is going to always appeal to the eye.
What is love?
They ask me ” You love her right.” I blush as if you were the one asking me if I loved you. The answer has always been yes even when it could’ve been no. You were worth keeping, you’re worth it all. How about that smile that use to grin from corner to corner. Or those soft lips that use to sing sweet lullabies to me at night to help me sleep. I wonder do you still think of me or is the feeling you feel faded? How I can love someone so far away? (I chuckle to myself.) How do you love someone who’s moved on? Do you not care that your irreverent to them and that it could never be? These are the questions I ask myself daily. But shot i still find myself thinking Hey maybe one day she’ll call or send a text. *thinking* What I would I say? Would it be to late? Would I be the one who’s finally moved on in life? We were young. Yes. Did I love her? The question has already been answered. If i didn’t love her I wouldn’t be still hurting over someone that left so long ago….
I’m not going speak bad about anyone but hey if the truth slips out it happens.. Do you remember when I was once you’re everything; well that’s what you told me I’m jus so hurt at this moment because I trusted you… I guess you can say I loved you, love you whatever… Nick names was a part of the memories we shared… we fought about little things , things that I know I wish I could take back but you can’t take back the past , so keep it present.. I’m not going say your were best relationship or my worst because I haven’t lived my whole life yet… you had me doing thing I’d thought I’d never do .. I thought you’d be my Clyde and I your Bonnie. I look back at us and I smile because without you I wouldn’t have learned that I deserve better in my life. You can say now I set high standards. I hate you but at the same time I can’t stop thinking about you… You remember when …? let’s not go there .. I loved you through the good and the bad… I guess I fell for looks instead of personality because I was fooled by your beauty not your character. I have nothing left to say about you because our camera time has EXPIRED.. People ask me all the time about love and MY response is that it’s the same thing as death.. Everything turns into nothing. Sorrow becomes happiness.. but Tattoos won’t cover up scars but only change appearance.. And we were just a chapter in a book.
I didn’t notice how much you meant to me till you were gone. You were my Diamond in a collection of gems. But now I have to see you shine from someone else’s eyes. You love her and I’m okay with that because if it was meant to be you’d be loving me. And I’m not mad or hurt anymore it’s just that I thought that if we ever came to this point we’d still would communicate but that’s not the case. Wishing the best for you is like not hoping that I’ll have the best for myself. So you know love hurts but love doesn’t always hurt I’ll find my Prince and it could either be you or someone better than you. I’m not searching but I’m passionately waiting for you. But if it’s you I can’t have then I shall grow up out of this fanstay and look for my real lover.