poetry. …

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It’s okay….

Published February 20, 2017 by jusdanii

​I gave you all of me and i watched you just destroy me. But i won’t complain because I’m the one who let constantly stab me in the back and tell you “Hey Its okay you can stab me again.” Shit i covered the pain because I’d thought you changed. But then again u stabbed me again and had me feeling like girl you anit even worth it. You was out there cheating sleeping with who ever would give you what you needed. You had a queen at home but you rather sleep a with servant. 

VOLUME 2

Published December 12, 2016 by jusdanii

​A lot of people don’t know. Yet they think they do. I fake a smile almost everyday just to please others. But I’m dying inside. I’m dying. Not because I’m afraid to live but because…  that I don’t know. I always tell others you must love yourself but yet I fail to love myself. I’ve lost myself to a storm. I’ve been at my lowest peak for as long as I can remember. And It is depression. I’ve realized not many people want to hear me mooping and sobbing about how I feel but they rather hear me speak on false hopes that I have for myself. This is depression. Another victim. Another scar. Another person whose voice doesn’t get heard. You would think a asylum would help. But to Lock me up and put me in a stray jacket. Isn’t what I want. “But Isn’t that best way to solve depression? To lock you away and make sure you’re safe?” This is depression. Not wanting to do anything because you fear the wrong thing may happen. Or that people are intentionally doing things to hurt you. And no one wants to die alone trust me. I’m at my happiest when I’m not surrounded by my thoughts. 

Will You……?

Published November 11, 2016 by jusdanii

I can’t help but think of the day where you got on bended knee and told me “I love you more than words could ever express more than I love my mom’s mac. You bring the best out of me and I just don’t see me living life without you.  Baby girl you’re worth every diamond every pearl and even every part of my heart Ana will you marry me?”  I replay this day in my head once a day because now that you and I are no longer together I struggle with who I am. I thought that maybe you’d call by now but now I’m watching our future plans become someone else’s. And now she’s pregnant? And I wonder how did six years go in the drain? How did she become your queen and I your peasant? Truth is if you and I were meant to be you’d be in my bed when I wake up not hers. I fell madly in love with you so it tears my heart that you love another woman.  I loved you for who you were not who you became. Who are you cause I can’t figure it out anymore. You love another woman and I just can’t.  I faced too much I do too much and everything I’ve done was for you.

Voicemail

Published November 6, 2016 by jusdanii

​”You’ve reached Sean Poles leave a message.” Hey Its been a while. I don’t want hold you to long because I know you have this new life. And you’re about to have a wife. I just… I don’t know I get carried away at times I guess. Um I called to say.. uhh I hate part. (Throat starts to get tight and Tears start to fall down.) I know you think I’m crazy and that you wish you never met me but I can’t hide the fact that you made me a better person. You changed my life and it was for the better. Your fiancé is the luckiest woman alive because I’d give up my life to be in her shoes. Thanks for everything Sean. Goobye. 

I Just Need To Go….

Published November 4, 2016 by jusdanii

​I left a note by the bed saying that I’d be back in a few days just needed to clear my head, but I knew that I wouldn’t be back. Sick and tired of the arguing I guess I gave up. But trust me it did break my heart knowing I was breaking yours. Came to collect my clothes when I thought you wouldn’t be home. But my expectations left me to be wrong. I guess after 72 missed calls and a million text from you with no response on my end you got the hint. I didn’t come here to argue with you. Yes I still love you but this  relationship is hurting me more than it should be. And its not you, its me. Its better this way that we stay apart. You scream at me call me a liar a cheater a everything in the book then you even try to put your hands on me. Then I have a flash back to when you beat my ass and you said you were sorry and I forgave you. Shit I just came here for my clothes, you can keep the rest of my shit but im not going to allow you to abuse me believe that…