Thanks for calling me
Hey! It’s my birthday & it’s the fourth birthday that you’ve missed.
But, thanks for calling me.
It’s almost the holidays you know the time you spend with your love ones
So, thanks for calling me.
Wow! Another lonely Valentines, but thanks for buying me my favorite chocolate.
So I got a flat tired on the freeway and it decided to pour down raining
But I guess its okay, so thank you me for calling to see if I was okay.
I moved out of my mom’s place into a condo.
But thanks for calling me to see if I needed help.
Saturday was the day I graduated from college with my master’s degree.
Thanks for calling me to tell me congratulations.
Hey! I met someone so this might be the last time I call you.
But thanks for loving and calling me after all these years.
Hey! I’m getting married tomorrow and yah I know I shouldn’t be calling you
But I just want to say thanks for answering the phone after all these years.
Also after this I’ll probably never call again but thanks for being there all times I needed you
If you ask me how I’m doing I’m going to tell you im good. I don’t want you to know how broken I am. And I how I really feel inside. I mean I don’t wanna paint a picture in your mind of me being “Good.” Because to be honest I just wish I was good
I gave you all of me and i watched you just destroy me. But i won’t complain because I’m the one who let constantly stab me in the back and tell you “Hey Its okay you can stab me again.” Shit i covered the pain because I’d thought you changed. But then again u stabbed me again and had me feeling like girl you anit even worth it. You was out there cheating sleeping with who ever would give you what you needed. You had a queen at home but you rather sleep a with servant.
A lot of people don’t know. Yet they think they do. I fake a smile almost everyday just to please others. But I’m dying inside. I’m dying. Not because I’m afraid to live but because… that I don’t know. I always tell others you must love yourself but yet I fail to love myself. I’ve lost myself to a storm. I’ve been at my lowest peak for as long as I can remember. And It is depression. I’ve realized not many people want to hear me mooping and sobbing about how I feel but they rather hear me speak on false hopes that I have for myself. This is depression. Another victim. Another scar. Another person whose voice doesn’t get heard. You would think a asylum would help. But to Lock me up and put me in a stray jacket. Isn’t what I want. “But Isn’t that best way to solve depression? To lock you away and make sure you’re safe?” This is depression. Not wanting to do anything because you fear the wrong thing may happen. Or that people are intentionally doing things to hurt you. And no one wants to die alone trust me. I’m at my happiest when I’m not surrounded by my thoughts.
I can’t help but think of the day where you got on bended knee and told me “I love you more than words could ever express more than I love my mom’s mac. You bring the best out of me and I just don’t see me living life without you. Baby girl you’re worth every diamond every pearl and even every part of my heart Ana will you marry me?” I replay this day in my head once a day because now that you and I are no longer together I struggle with who I am. I thought that maybe you’d call by now but now I’m watching our future plans become someone else’s. And now she’s pregnant? And I wonder how did six years go in the drain? How did she become your queen and I your peasant? Truth is if you and I were meant to be you’d be in my bed when I wake up not hers. I fell madly in love with you so it tears my heart that you love another woman. I loved you for who you were not who you became. Who are you cause I can’t figure it out anymore. You love another woman and I just can’t. I faced too much I do too much and everything I’ve done was for you.