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Congratulations Shanda 

Published May 25, 2017 by jusdanii

Its been a while. I haven’t heard from you. How’s everything? I heard your getting married. Congratulations. I hope that he brings you happiness and that you’ll never have to hurt again. I was scrolling through Facebook and I happen to see a picture of you and your Fiancé. You looked so happy. Your smile was lit like a Christmas tree. And I knew that everything that he was doing for you was everything I didn’t and could never do. They say a picture can say a 1000 words and from that picture I interpreted so much. I could see that you were no longer hurting. You were finally happy.Everything about you he has. And its hurts. Its been 8 years 21 days & 6months but girl know I’ve never never found a girl like you. Never have I. Maybe I was the reason for our break up. The reason for your tears. I just hate knowing that maybe if i woulda came home to you and maybe if would of bought you flowers maybe you would of stayed. When we broke up i tried the dating thing. And no girl compared to you. I remember back when we first decided to call a quits you would call every single day. And I wouldn’t answer. Now I’m calling you and wishing you’d answer. I was so stupid. I was hurt. Okay I admit it. I let go of someone who would of never let go of me. It finally hit me. Maybe it was me. But hey it has been 8 years 21 days & 6 months maybe I should just let go. And Let you live your life. You 

What’s love?

Published March 5, 2017 by jusdanii

​What is love can you express love? And I don’t mean the old immature answer I need an answer something other’s can understand. Can you handle that? “Yes okay I think I can handle that.” But Love  between two people?” “Anything anyone.” “Well to me love doesn’t really acquire another thing or another person. You can love yourself just because you see good quality within yourself.” “Let me stop you there, do you consider that to be some love or think that’s self-worth?” “That’s self-love because if you woke up and got dressed in the dark and you looked like crap when you shine the light on you can say “Hey I’m going to look pretty shit but hey I feel and look how I thought I would be my best that’s love because instead of Downing yourself you’ve let yourself know your just beautiful the way you are.” “What about love between two people? Love between two people?” It’s hard to describe because there’s always one person who loves the other person more. Can you explain? Well I use an example okay. Say that I like purple but you love purple make you go crazy if you don’t have it. Well that’s like how love is with two people one person is obsessed and the other person just loves. “That’s not always the case though don’t you think?” Why not?” “Just because I love you doesn’t mean I have to be obsessed over you one maybe clingy but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re obsessed.” “Yes but clingy leads to some kind of obsession.” “Okay I’ll let you have that but keep going with your explanation.” Love can’t be expressed in words it’s actually more about actions. 

DANA

Published November 12, 2016 by jusdanii

​”Hey whats up? You reached Dana leave message.” Hey Dana I was just calling to say that I’m sorry. I know over the years I’ve put you through so much crap. It wasn’t your fault that I cheated on you with Brenda. Maybe a one night stand at the time seemed right. But if I could go back in time I’d apologize I never meant to hurt you and I didn’t expect you to come home when me and Brenda were in the action. You were my bestfriend. And im truly sorry. Im sorry that everytime I got super wasted I would hooked up with my Ex Girlfriend. I took you for granted never thinking one day Dana would get fed up with my shit and leave. But congratulations on your first child and your marriage. Sorry that after four years I finally called to tell you that im sorry. I knew I should of ran after you when you packed your bags and left to your mom’s. I guess I just wanted be a player when all you wanted to do was settle down.  I love you Dana and no this isn’t one of those drunk calls where im very emotional. Im just sorry Dana. 

Growing

Published August 30, 2016 by jusdanii

You have to love yourself before you allow yourself to love another being.  I was in relationship for a year in six months. I never fully understood what that person meant when they called our relationship toxic. Even when we split I still wondered what that person meant by toxic? I didn’t understand if they were referring to me as a toxic person or were they saying “Hey we can’t be together because we are just not meant to be?” I didn’t and still don’t know what that person meant because I loved them way more than I should have. I should’ve backed off when they cheated but being fourteen all the way to sixteen teaches you things about love and yourself. Like how does someone love another being more than they love themselves? I was young and I was looking for love online because my insecurities were through the roof. It took me nearly eighteen years to finally say “I’m comfortable in my own skin enough to love me.” I was steady worried that I wouldn’t find someone good enough for me. But who is better for you than you? When you meet new people you always have to get to know them. For instance you have to read the back a book to find out what a book is about. Not just a pretty cover is going to always appeal to the eye.

One Day

Published August 10, 2016 by jusdanii

​They ask me ” You love her right.” I blush as if you were the one asking me if I loved you. The answer has always been yes even when it could’ve been no. You were worth keeping, you’re worth it all.  How about that smile that use to grin from corner to corner. Or those soft lips that use to sing sweet lullabies to me at night to help me sleep. I wonder do you still think of me or is the feeling you feel faded? How I can love someone so far away? (I chuckle to myself.)  How do you love someone who’s moved on? Do you not care that your irreverent to them and that it could never be? These are the questions I ask myself daily. But shot i still find myself thinking Hey maybe one day she’ll call or send a text. *thinking* What I would I say?  Would it be to late? Would I be the one who’s finally moved on in life? We were young. Yes. Did I love her? The question has already been answered. If i didn’t love her I wouldn’t be still hurting over someone that left so long ago….

Throw back

Published August 7, 2016 by jusdanii

​I’m not going speak bad about anyone but  hey if the truth slips out it happens..  Do you remember when I was once you’re everything; well that’s what you told me I’m jus so hurt at this moment because I trusted you… I guess you can say I loved you, love you whatever… Nick names was a part of the memories we shared… we fought about little things , things that I know I wish I could take back but you can’t take back the past , so keep it present.. I’m not going say your were best relationship or my worst because I haven’t lived my whole life yet… you had me doing thing I’d thought I’d never do .. I thought you’d be my Clyde and I your Bonnie. I look back at us and I smile because without you I wouldn’t have learned that I deserve better in my life. You can say now I set high standards. I hate you but at the same time I can’t stop thinking about you… You remember when …? let’s not go there .. I loved you through the good and the bad…  I guess I fell for looks instead of personality because I was fooled by your beauty not your character. I have nothing left to say about you because our camera time has EXPIRED.. People ask me all the time about love and MY response is that it’s the same thing as death.. Everything turns into nothing. Sorrow becomes happiness..  but Tattoos won’t cover up scars but only change appearance.. And we were just a chapter in a book.