Voicemail

Published November 6, 2016 by jusdanii

​”You’ve reached Sean Poles leave a message.” Hey Its been a while. I don’t want hold you to long because I know you have this new life. And you’re about to have a wife. I just… I don’t know I get carried away at times I guess. Um I called to say.. uhh I hate part. (Throat starts to get tight and Tears start to fall down.) I know you think I’m crazy and that you wish you never met me but I can’t hide the fact that you made me a better person. You changed my life and it was for the better. Your fiancé is the luckiest woman alive because I’d give up my life to be in her shoes. Thanks for everything Sean. Goobye. 

I Just Need To Go….

Published November 4, 2016 by jusdanii

​I left a note by the bed saying that I’d be back in a few days just needed to clear my head, but I knew that I wouldn’t be back. Sick and tired of the arguing I guess I gave up. But trust me it did break my heart knowing I was breaking yours. Came to collect my clothes when I thought you wouldn’t be home. But my expectations left me to be wrong. I guess after 72 missed calls and a million text from you with no response on my end you got the hint. I didn’t come here to argue with you. Yes I still love you but this  relationship is hurting me more than it should be. And its not you, its me. Its better this way that we stay apart. You scream at me call me a liar a cheater a everything in the book then you even try to put your hands on me. Then I have a flash back to when you beat my ass and you said you were sorry and I forgave you. Shit I just came here for my clothes, you can keep the rest of my shit but im not going to allow you to abuse me believe that…

When

Published October 25, 2016 by jusdanii

​When I love I love with my heart. I dont play games I don’t do those things. I’ve been hurt so many times its like why keep going? But they say you gotta look at the positive things in life and let the negative ones go. I believed him when he said he was  sorry but then again I was the fool left with the pity. It was like he had blind folded me and said “Baby I won’t do it again I promise ” but when i took the blind fold off i  couldn’t help but be amazed  “how dare you creep in my bed my sheets where I sleep. How dare you break our so called happy home by bringing this so called one night stand into my house. Am I not good enough for you? Am i not worthy enough  that you rather break my heart so you can get what a nut?

Strangers Again

Published October 25, 2016 by jusdanii

​This is tough because its no longer you I worry about. Shoot I wish it was but than again I don’t. But since we’re on the topic; how are you? Hows the kids? How are you coping?? I know you always complained about not being happy so are you now? Im doing fine if you wondered but if youre anything like me you don’t even care. We are once again stranger’s so if I were to bring up the past it would mean nothing because you are not the person you were in 08′..  the memories we once shared are just you know what a thing of the past… but just to clear the air I don’t love you anymore… eight years later and I’m wiser than I was.. anyhoo Whats Up?

We’ve All Been There.

Published September 1, 2016 by jusdanii

 

I should have known it was over but lack of self-love kept me thinking we had potential.

You said we were better off as friends, but how could I be friends with someone I’m in love with?

I’m still waiting on that call when you say “I’m just checking up on you to know that you’re doing well.”

But I guess it’s my fault for expecting too much. Right? Or is it my fault for giving you too much of me?

Shit they say if you love someone and they come back to you then they’re yours but you didn’t come back so I guess you were never mine to begin with. Huh?

You love that stupid girl and you don’t even give me the time of day anymore I find it funny I’m not going to be upset or anything because you never failed to amaze me.

I questioned myself for months upon months were did I go wrong? But shit I had to remind myself that it is a dog eat dog world.

You use to love to screw those women and then tell me that you’d never do it again? You had to be fucking kidding.

I took you back many many times and now you settled down with another chick?

I sound like a jealous bitter female but this what happens when you give someone you’re all and they leave you with nothing but baggage.

Why is it that you’re still a thought in my mind though? If you really did call me I would say fuck you…

 

Growing

Published August 30, 2016 by jusdanii

You have to love yourself before you allow yourself to love another being.  I was in relationship for a year in six months. I never fully understood what that person meant when they called our relationship toxic. Even when we split I still wondered what that person meant by toxic? I didn’t understand if they were referring to me as a toxic person or were they saying “Hey we can’t be together because we are just not meant to be?” I didn’t and still don’t know what that person meant because I loved them way more than I should have. I should’ve backed off when they cheated but being fourteen all the way to sixteen teaches you things about love and yourself. Like how does someone love another being more than they love themselves? I was young and I was looking for love online because my insecurities were through the roof. It took me nearly eighteen years to finally say “I’m comfortable in my own skin enough to love me.” I was steady worried that I wouldn’t find someone good enough for me. But who is better for you than you? When you meet new people you always have to get to know them. For instance you have to read the back a book to find out what a book is about. Not just a pretty cover is going to always appeal to the eye.