I’ve giving you all of me
From the heart that pounders
To the person you needed be.
I see that love between you and I was fatal.
I carried your problems along with mine on my back. You lived carelessly while I walked through the valley of death trying to make you happy. .
I don’t want to blame you for the hurt that you’ve caused but how do I not?
If the world was coming to end and oxygen was dissipating I would of gave you my last breath so you could die happy.
You chased me through the garden of Eden because at that time you loved me. This was the beginning of chapter 1 of 9.
But it’s funny how the tables have turned…
Because your married now
I want to say I’m relaxing and enjoying life but that’s not the case. Anixety is not the only thing that I deal with. I won’t say I suffer from anxiety because I know I can control how I feel only if I take control of my emotions. But at times I find myself to be weak. Drifting away. Like why do I live this life if all I feel is myself suffering? But then my inner voice speaks to me and tells me there is much greater out there for me. I know that we all go through trials and tribulations but why must I wake up to a fight? But not a fight with another being. But fight with myself. Like if things are supoose to get better why haven’t they already? You ever wonder what if this happen? …. nah that can’t happen that’s been done.. then paranoid thoughts start to follow. People wonder if I’m okay. “Oh yes I am.” Thats the lie I tell them and myself.. while thinking the same old shit what if I… thats not good to think like that… someone once told me I was crazy I was unstable I was insane. But then I asked myself years later was I ever insane crazy or unstable till I met them? And the answer was No. Hell no at that. I’m not crazy I’m nothing more than a human whose been hurt. But you know what if I’m crazy because how I feel. Then so fucking be it.
I don’t blame you for seeking love through other outlets.
Love hurts sometimes and yes I know this now.
Maybe I didn’t love you right or maybe it’s not my fault.
Why point the gun when there’s no bullets in it?
Forget the past because it’s been a while since I’ve heard your voice.
And I’m not angry that we parted our separate ways.
I just find it so hard to even think that day even came.
Not to mention that you fell in love again and it wasn’t me.
But I’m not upset because in life there’s lesson to be learned.
Man. I could reminisce on the past or I can move forward in life.
Not every color is sweet on the eyes and not every relationship last.
Cut the short talk because we both know there’s nothing to talk about.
I could wish on a billion stars that you were here laying next to me but truth is I like laying in this bed by myself.
And I wonder If it was love or if it lust that we felt. And I don’t say we as in you and I, I say it in general….