#deep

All posts tagged #deep

It’s okay….

Published February 20, 2017 by jusdanii

​I gave you all of me and i watched you just destroy me. But i won’t complain because I’m the one who let constantly stab me in the back and tell you “Hey Its okay you can stab me again.” Shit i covered the pain because I’d thought you changed. But then again u stabbed me again and had me feeling like girl you anit even worth it. You was out there cheating sleeping with who ever would give you what you needed. You had a queen at home but you rather sleep a with servant. 

Depression

Published December 12, 2016 by jusdanii

​I want to say I’m relaxing and enjoying life but that’s not the case. Anixety is not the only thing that I deal with. I won’t say I suffer from anxiety because I know I can control how I feel only if I take control of my emotions. But at times I find myself to be weak. Drifting away. Like why do I live this life if all I feel is myself suffering? But then my inner voice speaks to me and tells me there is much greater out there for me. I know that we all go through trials and tribulations but why must I wake up to a fight? But not a fight with another being. But fight with myself. Like if things are supoose to get better why haven’t they already? You ever wonder what if this happen? ….  nah that can’t happen that’s been done.. then paranoid thoughts start to follow. People wonder if I’m okay. “Oh yes I am.” Thats the lie I tell them and myself.. while thinking the same old shit what if I… thats not good to think like that… someone once told me I was crazy I was unstable I was insane. But then I asked myself years later was I ever insane crazy or unstable till I met them? And the answer was No. Hell no at that. I’m not crazy I’m nothing more than a human whose been hurt. But you know what if I’m crazy because how I feel. Then so fucking be it.

DANA

Published November 12, 2016 by jusdanii

​”Hey whats up? You reached Dana leave message.” Hey Dana I was just calling to say that I’m sorry. I know over the years I’ve put you through so much crap. It wasn’t your fault that I cheated on you with Brenda. Maybe a one night stand at the time seemed right. But if I could go back in time I’d apologize I never meant to hurt you and I didn’t expect you to come home when me and Brenda were in the action. You were my bestfriend. And im truly sorry. Im sorry that everytime I got super wasted I would hooked up with my Ex Girlfriend. I took you for granted never thinking one day Dana would get fed up with my shit and leave. But congratulations on your first child and your marriage. Sorry that after four years I finally called to tell you that im sorry. I knew I should of ran after you when you packed your bags and left to your mom’s. I guess I just wanted be a player when all you wanted to do was settle down.  I love you Dana and no this isn’t one of those drunk calls where im very emotional. Im just sorry Dana. 

Will You……?

Published November 11, 2016 by jusdanii

I can’t help but think of the day where you got on bended knee and told me “I love you more than words could ever express more than I love my mom’s mac. You bring the best out of me and I just don’t see me living life without you.  Baby girl you’re worth every diamond every pearl and even every part of my heart Ana will you marry me?”  I replay this day in my head once a day because now that you and I are no longer together I struggle with who I am. I thought that maybe you’d call by now but now I’m watching our future plans become someone else’s. And now she’s pregnant? And I wonder how did six years go in the drain? How did she become your queen and I your peasant? Truth is if you and I were meant to be you’d be in my bed when I wake up not hers. I fell madly in love with you so it tears my heart that you love another woman.  I loved you for who you were not who you became. Who are you cause I can’t figure it out anymore. You love another woman and I just can’t.  I faced too much I do too much and everything I’ve done was for you.

Voicemail

Published November 6, 2016 by jusdanii

​”You’ve reached Sean Poles leave a message.” Hey Its been a while. I don’t want hold you to long because I know you have this new life. And you’re about to have a wife. I just… I don’t know I get carried away at times I guess. Um I called to say.. uhh I hate part. (Throat starts to get tight and Tears start to fall down.) I know you think I’m crazy and that you wish you never met me but I can’t hide the fact that you made me a better person. You changed my life and it was for the better. Your fiancé is the luckiest woman alive because I’d give up my life to be in her shoes. Thanks for everything Sean. Goobye. 

I Just Need To Go….

Published November 4, 2016 by jusdanii

​I left a note by the bed saying that I’d be back in a few days just needed to clear my head, but I knew that I wouldn’t be back. Sick and tired of the arguing I guess I gave up. But trust me it did break my heart knowing I was breaking yours. Came to collect my clothes when I thought you wouldn’t be home. But my expectations left me to be wrong. I guess after 72 missed calls and a million text from you with no response on my end you got the hint. I didn’t come here to argue with you. Yes I still love you but this  relationship is hurting me more than it should be. And its not you, its me. Its better this way that we stay apart. You scream at me call me a liar a cheater a everything in the book then you even try to put your hands on me. Then I have a flash back to when you beat my ass and you said you were sorry and I forgave you. Shit I just came here for my clothes, you can keep the rest of my shit but im not going to allow you to abuse me believe that…

When

Published October 25, 2016 by jusdanii

​When I love I love with my heart. I dont play games I don’t do those things. I’ve been hurt so many times its like why keep going? But they say you gotta look at the positive things in life and let the negative ones go. I believed him when he said he was  sorry but then again I was the fool left with the pity. It was like he had blind folded me and said “Baby I won’t do it again I promise ” but when i took the blind fold off i  couldn’t help but be amazed  “how dare you creep in my bed my sheets where I sleep. How dare you break our so called happy home by bringing this so called one night stand into my house. Am I not good enough for you? Am i not worthy enough  that you rather break my heart so you can get what a nut?