#Hopes

All posts tagged #Hopes

Good

Published August 13, 2017 by jusdanii

If you ask me how I’m doing I’m going to tell you im good. I don’t want you to know how broken I am. And I how I really feel inside. I mean I don’t wanna paint a picture in your mind of me being “Good.” Because to be honest I just wish I was good

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VOLUME 2

Published December 12, 2016 by jusdanii

​A lot of people don’t know. Yet they think they do. I fake a smile almost everyday just to please others. But I’m dying inside. I’m dying. Not because I’m afraid to live but because…  that I don’t know. I always tell others you must love yourself but yet I fail to love myself. I’ve lost myself to a storm. I’ve been at my lowest peak for as long as I can remember. And It is depression. I’ve realized not many people want to hear me mooping and sobbing about how I feel but they rather hear me speak on false hopes that I have for myself. This is depression. Another victim. Another scar. Another person whose voice doesn’t get heard. You would think a asylum would help. But to Lock me up and put me in a stray jacket. Isn’t what I want. “But Isn’t that best way to solve depression? To lock you away and make sure you’re safe?” This is depression. Not wanting to do anything because you fear the wrong thing may happen. Or that people are intentionally doing things to hurt you. And no one wants to die alone trust me. I’m at my happiest when I’m not surrounded by my thoughts. 

Will You……?

Published November 11, 2016 by jusdanii

I can’t help but think of the day where you got on bended knee and told me “I love you more than words could ever express more than I love my mom’s mac. You bring the best out of me and I just don’t see me living life without you.  Baby girl you’re worth every diamond every pearl and even every part of my heart Ana will you marry me?”  I replay this day in my head once a day because now that you and I are no longer together I struggle with who I am. I thought that maybe you’d call by now but now I’m watching our future plans become someone else’s. And now she’s pregnant? And I wonder how did six years go in the drain? How did she become your queen and I your peasant? Truth is if you and I were meant to be you’d be in my bed when I wake up not hers. I fell madly in love with you so it tears my heart that you love another woman.  I loved you for who you were not who you became. Who are you cause I can’t figure it out anymore. You love another woman and I just can’t.  I faced too much I do too much and everything I’ve done was for you.

Voicemail

Published November 6, 2016 by jusdanii

​”You’ve reached Sean Poles leave a message.” Hey Its been a while. I don’t want hold you to long because I know you have this new life. And you’re about to have a wife. I just… I don’t know I get carried away at times I guess. Um I called to say.. uhh I hate part. (Throat starts to get tight and Tears start to fall down.) I know you think I’m crazy and that you wish you never met me but I can’t hide the fact that you made me a better person. You changed my life and it was for the better. Your fiancé is the luckiest woman alive because I’d give up my life to be in her shoes. Thanks for everything Sean. Goobye. 

We’ve All Been There.

Published September 1, 2016 by jusdanii

 

I should have known it was over but lack of self-love kept me thinking we had potential.

You said we were better off as friends, but how could I be friends with someone I’m in love with?

I’m still waiting on that call when you say “I’m just checking up on you to know that you’re doing well.”

But I guess it’s my fault for expecting too much. Right? Or is it my fault for giving you too much of me?

Shit they say if you love someone and they come back to you then they’re yours but you didn’t come back so I guess you were never mine to begin with. Huh?

You love that stupid girl and you don’t even give me the time of day anymore I find it funny I’m not going to be upset or anything because you never failed to amaze me.

I questioned myself for months upon months were did I go wrong? But shit I had to remind myself that it is a dog eat dog world.

You use to love to screw those women and then tell me that you’d never do it again? You had to be fucking kidding.

I took you back many many times and now you settled down with another chick?

I sound like a jealous bitter female but this what happens when you give someone you’re all and they leave you with nothing but baggage.

Why is it that you’re still a thought in my mind though? If you really did call me I would say fuck you…