If you ask me how I’m doing I’m going to tell you im good. I don’t want you to know how broken I am. And I how I really feel inside. I mean I don’t wanna paint a picture in your mind of me being “Good.” Because to be honest I just wish I was good
”Hey whats up? You reached Dana leave message.” Hey Dana I was just calling to say that I’m sorry. I know over the years I’ve put you through so much crap. It wasn’t your fault that I cheated on you with Brenda. Maybe a one night stand at the time seemed right. But if I could go back in time I’d apologize I never meant to hurt you and I didn’t expect you to come home when me and Brenda were in the action. You were my bestfriend. And im truly sorry. Im sorry that everytime I got super wasted I would hooked up with my Ex Girlfriend. I took you for granted never thinking one day Dana would get fed up with my shit and leave. But congratulations on your first child and your marriage. Sorry that after four years I finally called to tell you that im sorry. I knew I should of ran after you when you packed your bags and left to your mom’s. I guess I just wanted be a player when all you wanted to do was settle down. I love you Dana and no this isn’t one of those drunk calls where im very emotional. Im just sorry Dana.
I can’t help but think of the day where you got on bended knee and told me “I love you more than words could ever express more than I love my mom’s mac. You bring the best out of me and I just don’t see me living life without you. Baby girl you’re worth every diamond every pearl and even every part of my heart Ana will you marry me?” I replay this day in my head once a day because now that you and I are no longer together I struggle with who I am. I thought that maybe you’d call by now but now I’m watching our future plans become someone else’s. And now she’s pregnant? And I wonder how did six years go in the drain? How did she become your queen and I your peasant? Truth is if you and I were meant to be you’d be in my bed when I wake up not hers. I fell madly in love with you so it tears my heart that you love another woman. I loved you for who you were not who you became. Who are you cause I can’t figure it out anymore. You love another woman and I just can’t. I faced too much I do too much and everything I’ve done was for you.
I should have known it was over but lack of self-love kept me thinking we had potential.
You said we were better off as friends, but how could I be friends with someone I’m in love with?
I’m still waiting on that call when you say “I’m just checking up on you to know that you’re doing well.”
But I guess it’s my fault for expecting too much. Right? Or is it my fault for giving you too much of me?
Shit they say if you love someone and they come back to you then they’re yours but you didn’t come back so I guess you were never mine to begin with. Huh?
You love that stupid girl and you don’t even give me the time of day anymore I find it funny I’m not going to be upset or anything because you never failed to amaze me.
I questioned myself for months upon months were did I go wrong? But shit I had to remind myself that it is a dog eat dog world.
You use to love to screw those women and then tell me that you’d never do it again? You had to be fucking kidding.
I took you back many many times and now you settled down with another chick?
I sound like a jealous bitter female but this what happens when you give someone you’re all and they leave you with nothing but baggage.
Why is it that you’re still a thought in my mind though? If you really did call me I would say fuck you…
They ask me ” You love her right.” I blush as if you were the one asking me if I loved you. The answer has always been yes even when it could’ve been no. You were worth keeping, you’re worth it all. How about that smile that use to grin from corner to corner. Or those soft lips that use to sing sweet lullabies to me at night to help me sleep. I wonder do you still think of me or is the feeling you feel faded? How I can love someone so far away? (I chuckle to myself.) How do you love someone who’s moved on? Do you not care that your irreverent to them and that it could never be? These are the questions I ask myself daily. But shot i still find myself thinking Hey maybe one day she’ll call or send a text. *thinking* What I would I say? Would it be to late? Would I be the one who’s finally moved on in life? We were young. Yes. Did I love her? The question has already been answered. If i didn’t love her I wouldn’t be still hurting over someone that left so long ago….
I’m sorry that I was never good enough for you.
Sorry that I couldn’t give you what you needed because I was stupid young.
I remember you saying “You can’t give me what I need.”
I felt like I was never good enough for you.
Was she really the better option because she was of age and I was under age?
I took on the role of a wife when I was just learning who I was.
I feel as though you expected way more than I can give.
Now I’m stuck here bearing the pain.
I’m just sorry that I’ve been feeling unwanted , unpretty because the one person I gave my all to forgot to give me their coat in the coldest winter