I gave you all of me and i watched you just destroy me. But i won’t complain because I’m the one who let constantly stab me in the back and tell you “Hey Its okay you can stab me again.” Shit i covered the pain because I’d thought you changed. But then again u stabbed me again and had me feeling like girl you anit even worth it. You was out there cheating sleeping with who ever would give you what you needed. You had a queen at home but you rather sleep a with servant.
I can’t help but think of the day where you got on bended knee and told me “I love you more than words could ever express more than I love my mom’s mac. You bring the best out of me and I just don’t see me living life without you. Baby girl you’re worth every diamond every pearl and even every part of my heart Ana will you marry me?” I replay this day in my head once a day because now that you and I are no longer together I struggle with who I am. I thought that maybe you’d call by now but now I’m watching our future plans become someone else’s. And now she’s pregnant? And I wonder how did six years go in the drain? How did she become your queen and I your peasant? Truth is if you and I were meant to be you’d be in my bed when I wake up not hers. I fell madly in love with you so it tears my heart that you love another woman. I loved you for who you were not who you became. Who are you cause I can’t figure it out anymore. You love another woman and I just can’t. I faced too much I do too much and everything I’ve done was for you.
You have to love yourself before you allow yourself to love another being. I was in relationship for a year in six months. I never fully understood what that person meant when they called our relationship toxic. Even when we split I still wondered what that person meant by toxic? I didn’t understand if they were referring to me as a toxic person or were they saying “Hey we can’t be together because we are just not meant to be?” I didn’t and still don’t know what that person meant because I loved them way more than I should have. I should’ve backed off when they cheated but being fourteen all the way to sixteen teaches you things about love and yourself. Like how does someone love another being more than they love themselves? I was young and I was looking for love online because my insecurities were through the roof. It took me nearly eighteen years to finally say “I’m comfortable in my own skin enough to love me.” I was steady worried that I wouldn’t find someone good enough for me. But who is better for you than you? When you meet new people you always have to get to know them. For instance you have to read the back a book to find out what a book is about. Not just a pretty cover is going to always appeal to the eye.
I didn’t notice how much you meant to me till you were gone. You were my Diamond in a collection of gems. But now I have to see you shine from someone else’s eyes. You love her and I’m okay with that because if it was meant to be you’d be loving me. And I’m not mad or hurt anymore it’s just that I thought that if we ever came to this point we’d still would communicate but that’s not the case. Wishing the best for you is like not hoping that I’ll have the best for myself. So you know love hurts but love doesn’t always hurt I’ll find my Prince and it could either be you or someone better than you. I’m not searching but I’m passionately waiting for you. But if it’s you I can’t have then I shall grow up out of this fanstay and look for my real lover.
At first it was like I didn’t want to lose you, you’re everything to me.. now conversation is brief. I don’t even hear your voice I can’t imagine how your doing.
I’m seeing things so much clearer. You realize how life really works when you have to do it alone. You learn how to love yourself when your love isn’t dependent on loving someone else.
We all go through a faze where we want only to be loved , in that time Frame we forget to love ours