I’ve giving you all of me
From the heart that pounders
To the person you needed be.
I see that love between you and I was fatal.
I carried your problems along with mine on my back. You lived carelessly while I walked through the valley of death trying to make you happy. .
I don’t want to blame you for the hurt that you’ve caused but how do I not?
If the world was coming to end and oxygen was dissipating I would of gave you my last breath so you could die happy.
You chased me through the garden of Eden because at that time you loved me. This was the beginning of chapter 1 of 9.
But it’s funny how the tables have turned…
Because your married now
What is love can you express love? And I don’t mean the old immature answer I need an answer something other’s can understand. Can you handle that? “Yes okay I think I can handle that.” But Love between two people?” “Anything anyone.” “Well to me love doesn’t really acquire another thing or another person. You can love yourself just because you see good quality within yourself.” “Let me stop you there, do you consider that to be some love or think that’s self-worth?” “That’s self-love because if you woke up and got dressed in the dark and you looked like crap when you shine the light on you can say “Hey I’m going to look pretty shit but hey I feel and look how I thought I would be my best that’s love because instead of Downing yourself you’ve let yourself know your just beautiful the way you are.” “What about love between two people? Love between two people?” It’s hard to describe because there’s always one person who loves the other person more. Can you explain? Well I use an example okay. Say that I like purple but you love purple make you go crazy if you don’t have it. Well that’s like how love is with two people one person is obsessed and the other person just loves. “That’s not always the case though don’t you think?” Why not?” “Just because I love you doesn’t mean I have to be obsessed over you one maybe clingy but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re obsessed.” “Yes but clingy leads to some kind of obsession.” “Okay I’ll let you have that but keep going with your explanation.” Love can’t be expressed in words it’s actually more about actions.
I gave you all of me and i watched you just destroy me. But i won’t complain because I’m the one who let constantly stab me in the back and tell you “Hey Its okay you can stab me again.” Shit i covered the pain because I’d thought you changed. But then again u stabbed me again and had me feeling like girl you anit even worth it. You was out there cheating sleeping with who ever would give you what you needed. You had a queen at home but you rather sleep a with servant.
A lot of people don’t know. Yet they think they do. I fake a smile almost everyday just to please others. But I’m dying inside. I’m dying. Not because I’m afraid to live but because… that I don’t know. I always tell others you must love yourself but yet I fail to love myself. I’ve lost myself to a storm. I’ve been at my lowest peak for as long as I can remember. And It is depression. I’ve realized not many people want to hear me mooping and sobbing about how I feel but they rather hear me speak on false hopes that I have for myself. This is depression. Another victim. Another scar. Another person whose voice doesn’t get heard. You would think a asylum would help. But to Lock me up and put me in a stray jacket. Isn’t what I want. “But Isn’t that best way to solve depression? To lock you away and make sure you’re safe?” This is depression. Not wanting to do anything because you fear the wrong thing may happen. Or that people are intentionally doing things to hurt you. And no one wants to die alone trust me. I’m at my happiest when I’m not surrounded by my thoughts.
I want to say I’m relaxing and enjoying life but that’s not the case. Anixety is not the only thing that I deal with. I won’t say I suffer from anxiety because I know I can control how I feel only if I take control of my emotions. But at times I find myself to be weak. Drifting away. Like why do I live this life if all I feel is myself suffering? But then my inner voice speaks to me and tells me there is much greater out there for me. I know that we all go through trials and tribulations but why must I wake up to a fight? But not a fight with another being. But fight with myself. Like if things are supoose to get better why haven’t they already? You ever wonder what if this happen? …. nah that can’t happen that’s been done.. then paranoid thoughts start to follow. People wonder if I’m okay. “Oh yes I am.” Thats the lie I tell them and myself.. while thinking the same old shit what if I… thats not good to think like that… someone once told me I was crazy I was unstable I was insane. But then I asked myself years later was I ever insane crazy or unstable till I met them? And the answer was No. Hell no at that. I’m not crazy I’m nothing more than a human whose been hurt. But you know what if I’m crazy because how I feel. Then so fucking be it.